Gotta love random people

You gotta love random people or else you would just go crazy. I just received a notice from Entrecard that I had a recommendation on my blog. However, the recommendaton read this way...""A site too lazy to make an original card for EntreCard, not worth reading."

Actually, I don't know how to make an original card. But thanks j.no_nuts...Oh wait, that was supposed to be j.donuts....lol.....for your constructive criticism.

Thank you lord for allowing someone else to be less lazy than me in thinking of creating a delete button......I did get a lot of joy out of removing the above statement.

I hope everyone else has a happy Turkey day!

The holidays are upon us

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and the Christmas tree went up at my house today. The kids had a lot of fun splitting the decorations up and the tree looks great. They did a wonderful job. I sat back and watched, creating memories of their happiness, enjoying their laughter. It made me sad to know that this won't be the same next year, for their sake. My stepdaugher is truly like a daughter to me and my son adores his sissy. I hope that she will stay a part of my life.

You reap what you sow

I am a firm believer in that statement. I am beginning to watch this karma come around and visit my ex to be. I bite my tongue and just watch. I am not stepping forward to help.

I love my friends!!

I had a wonderful time out with my girlfriends last night. They always know how to make me laugh and they are wonderful at putting things in perspective for me. Nothing will perk a girl up like a good round of margaritas!! It was great to see all of them, be able to talk about everyting going on in all of our lives and have them reassure me that yes, I will be fine, I will be better off and they have my back at every turn!

I went to the store today and put Christmas presents in layaway. I am glad that is taken care of. One less worry, one less piece of stress! Normally I have done this back in early October but I haven't been motivated to do much of anything. I am getting back into my groove. I think with telling my family, so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know that I have a landing place next year.

One of my friends last night asked if I wanted to do a marathon with her next summer....I was like "a marathon?? 26 miles?? how about we start with a 5k??" I don't think I would enjoy running a marathon. It doesn't sound like my cup of tea. Now, talk to me about hiking to the top of a mountain in the rainforest in Puerto Rice, I'm all over that! I guess I am a let's take a look around and enjoy the scenery type of person more than "there's a finish line somewhere and I need to get there really really fast!!" teehee.

Anyhow, having a good day today, feeling the friend love, waiting for my son to get home from my parents so I can get my baby love fix too! I think that even if life is not good at the moment, at least it is extremely livable.

Girls Night Out!

My "support team" called me and tagged me for a girls night out! How do good friends ALWAYS know when you need to get away, out of the house, just hang out and have a few good shoulders to lean (or cry) on? That is what makes my circle of friends so amazing!

My parents had invited my son to spend the night already so I don't even have to worry about finding a sitter.

Someone is watching out for me in a big way and I am grateful for it!

Facing the holidays and beyond

It's quiet in my house tonight. I like that. I am utterly exhausted after a long week and the peace of being able to sit down and blog is much welcomed. The holidays are almost upon me and those days are going to be very very trying. How to face the first ones alone. I guess it really won't be much different than the last few years. I am just not going to be pretending that everything is hunky dorey and that my husband and I are a great couple with no secret and nothing is wrong. Maybe it will be easier than what I am expecting.

I have pretty much been gearing myself towards single parenting for a long time anyway. Or maybe it was just more like I had a roommate who helped with the kids.

I did go out the other week and get some storage containers. I also looked into renting a storage space to put them. I won't be able to move into my parent's house until after the first of the year and really don't need to clutter up their space with some of my household and kitchen items. Storing them until I get my own place seems like a logical solution.

I looked at my budget and plan on trying like heck to be debt free by this time next year. It's completely doable. i just need to stick with it. I have been very lax in my financial planning over the last few years. It was just as much fun for me to spend it as it was for me to earn it. That attitude needs to change and it needs to change today. I suppose I could consider it a "green" challenge. I do that every so often...pick a month and not buy anything that is not an absolute necessity. I know it's the wrong time of year to attempt it for a month but maybe I could try it for a few weeks. Maybe I just need to reevaluate my way of shopping for holiday presents also.

I also started looking at houses online. It helps me prioritize, looking at what I could afford and planning on how to budget for that for the future. I should take what it would cost me for a house payment and put that towards my debt every month. That would be great practice. A true exercise to test my resolve at getting towards my goal. Hmmmm. I think I'm on to something here!!

Parent teacher conference

Now that was an uncomfortable experience. Listening to the teacher talk about improvement needs and some behavioral issues. Knwoing that the behavoiral issues will probably get worse over the next year. Knowing that my son won't be going to that same school next year. Having to sit next to my soon to be ex and pretend that everything is hunky dorey in the world.

I don't like this at all one bit. And when the teacher would ask questions, I would hesitate to answer. I don't know what to say.

Sick

Now I've really one and done it....got strep throat! I need to start taking better care of myself and finding an outlet for all the stress in my life. It just seems like par for the course. It is so easy to feel sorry for myself and just keep being blue. I have to find what works for me to get me out of these blue funks.

I can't go back to work until Thursday and am trying to just rest. Inner reflection is inevitable when you are stuck in bed for two days, feeling punky. Soul searching is so painful right now but it will help with the healing process, the sooner I face and deal with my fears.

I did take one of the hardest steps and talked to my dad. It's nice to know I can always go home. That is where I plan to go to. My best friend questioned whether or not that was healthy for me but I feel it is. I want to go somewhere that I am loved unconditionally, that I feel safe and can "lick my wounds" per say. it is also a familiar place for my son, which is very very important when all the changes start to happen. I want that security there for him.

If I feel better tomorrow, I am going to clean in his room, get rid of anything he has outgrown or worn out. I am ready to start packing, making that move towards the transition that is in my near future.

One of these days, I will look back and read these posts and realize I am doing the best I can for my and him. I am stronger than I have given myself credit for.

I will be better on the other side of this. It just hurts getting there.

Time to get up and face the day, look through the ads, look for good deals on storage tubs! I can do this! I am smart, strong, funny and independent! I am a good person! I have a son who loves me and depends upon me, I have family that loves me and supports me, I have friends that will be there for me!

I am not the first and I will not be the last and I will get through this to come out a better person that I ever thought I would be!!

Countdown

It is 124 days, 16 hours, 17 minutes and 42 seconds until Saturday, March 6, 2010 (Columbus time)

Emotions

I have a lot of emotions running through me. A lot of anger is coming to the surface. I don't want to see him, I don't want to be in the same room with him, I don't want to talk nicely to him. It hurst, deep down inside, that this is happening. This is not what I wanted, this is not what I had planned for my future.

Plans, HA!

I just feel lost, stuck, drifting in uncertainty. Until I move out of this house, that is how it is going to continue to be. I need to focus. I need to clean. I can even start packing stuff up and putting it in the garage so it will be good to go when I am.

Lists are becoming my new best friend. Having things down in black and white helps me to make it through the day.

Why do men always think that their wives are stupid, that we can't see when they are doing something so out of the ordinary that they might as well just have their new "SO" show up at the front door? I am not in denial, I am not stupid, I have to be strong, get through this for my son. I am NOT going to let him get the best of me!

I just don't know exactly how to proceed at times. Like I had said, lists are now my favorite pasttime.

I still have to tell my parents. I am thinking sooner than later at this point. I was going to wait until after the holidays but who am I kidding? They know me too well and I can tell by the way they look at me, they know something is wrong but they will not push me. They want to give me the space I need, knowing I will come to them when I need them. It's nice to have unconditional love like that. That is the kind of love I want my son to grow up with, knowing that he can always come to his mom, no matter when, no matter what.